7 Things You’ll Forget How to Do After Living in a “Third World Country”
Hopefully forever, in some cases.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. once said, “A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”
In more recent years, this idea of one’s mind being stretched has taken on new language. When we do something new — like live in a foreign country — there is an actual physical change in our brain, called neuroplasticity. Our brains create new pathways. We adapt, and we change.
After living in a “third world country”*, you will definitely experience the ramifications of a changed brain, and a changed you. Here are seven things you’ll forget how to do.
You’ll forget how to complain.
It’s not that you won’t have complaints. On the contrary, you’ll probably have more than ever! And it’s not that you won’t want to complain, but you’ll find it more difficult to do so after what you witnessed in Anywhere, War-torn. You’ll hear your grad school professor repeating those gentle, kind words about never comparing pain or suffering, and you’ll know he’s right. It’s like Lady Bird said, “Different things can be sad. It’s not all war.”
Still, you will struggle to complain about anything. And in the beginning, at least, you will fight the urge to point out when someone else is complaining about *nothing of consequence*. Be gentle with yourself. There is value in your discomfort on this issue, and you will eventually learn how to handle it with grace. Hint: you will remember the miracle of gratitude, for one.
You’ll forget how to communicate.
More accurately, you’ll forget how to communicate effectively to the people around you. You carried some interesting habits back home** with you. Don’t take it personally if your best friend looks at you funny when you click your tongue as you nod your head to denote emphasis or understanding. Or if you use East-African-English or insist on trying to insert Arabic into casual conversation, be prepared for an awkward lag.
Once you realize those speech habits need to fade away, you might feel sad. But while they’re still in the forefront of your consciousness, it’s an excellent way to share part of your experience with loved ones.
*You’ll forget how to oversimplify your language.
For example, if you ever want to write an article on how living in a “third world country” changed your life, you’ll have to put “third world country” in quotation marks. You will probably cringe when you hear people say things like “first world problems”, too.
You can find solace, at least, in publications like Goats and Soda. They have been known to dedicate entire articles on the phenomenon of labeling different areas of the world. As Marc Silver says, “Every label has its problems — and, as it turns out, an interesting back story.” You’re not strange for using quotation marks. Labels are begging to be exposed.
You’ll forget how to hoard, and you’ll probably become a purger, if you weren’t one already.
Once you return and start going through things you had saved in storage before you left to live in that other country, be prepared to feel sick and say things like, “Why in the fuck do I still have this?!” Go ahead and toss it into the donation pile.
And when friends and family offer to give you things because you don’t have anything left, be gentle as you refuse their kindness. Sometime in the future, you’ll be ready to accept gifts, probably after you throw something else out.
You’ll forget how to shop at the grocery store.
The first few times, don’t be surprised if you freeze while trying to shop in a grocery store. Breathe. You don’t need to look at everything. It’s advisable to avoid places like Costco for a while. Places like In-N-Out, on the other hand, will be your safe havens. The experience of having fewer items to choose from will be noticeably comforting.
It may take a while but as time goes on, you will become thankful for all the options at the grocery store. Still, you will probably prefer the Farmer’s Market, that roadside produce stand in the middle of nowhere, and smaller specialty markets.
**You’ll forget how to identify your home.
This probably already happened while you were living Somewhere, Abroad. It can be a painful process and not even Joe Dirt will make you feel better, in the beginning. Perhaps home actually is where you make it. This hardly consoles as the layers of your blissful youth continue to shed.
You’re going to be ok. One day you will realize, with gratitude, how fortunate you are to have so many places to hang your hat. You’ll realize your heart is always with you, so you’re at home everywhere. Oooooook, end clichés about home. Just remember, as Rumi says, “If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.”
You’ll forget how to fit in.
Outwardly, you will appear to fit in, at least to the extent you did before. Below the surface, however, you may struggle with feeling like you don’t fit in. This is one of the great conundrums of traveling life: once you leave, you won’t quite fit where you’ve gone, and once you return, you won’t quite fit there either. This is good news! Now you can focus on the art of belonging.
As Brené Brown says, “Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” You can belong anywhere and everywhere, if you want to. Are you ready to be you?
I spent five years living in “majority world” countries, one in Eastern Europe and four in East Africa. Even though I’ve been back “home” for three years since my last overseas adventure, I’m still unpacking lessons learned.
