You Don’t Need to Write About Sex to be Sexy
You could write about phones
I’m not a prude.
When it comes to stories about sex, there is nothing that would shock me. Let me get that out of the way first.
(Not that prudish people have any reason to defend themselves.)
I’ve also done plenty of my own writing about sex — my experiences, my thoughts, my joys and hurts — privately. I even have an idea to dedicate an entire third of a book to the topic of sex.
When I do get around to writing about sex for the public eye, I want my words to be steeped in reverence. I want my vulnerability to act as a healing balm for those who need it. I want my storytelling about sex to be a vehicle for redemption, not erection.
Sex is the most beautiful, intimate experience we can have. And its perversion has sadly caused damage to so many people — such as victims of rape, child molestation, or trafficking. The use of sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism has caused damage as well — like unwanted pregnancies, contraction of STD’s, or emotional trauma.
Because of all this, and because of who I am, I can’t write flippantly about sex. If I was here solely to gain one million followers, or make a quick dollar, or ease my pangs of loneliness — I could probably reach my goal faster by airing out all my sex stories. Although I have a feeling I might be lonelier if I exposed myself in that way — before I had done the real inner work to understand my sexual journey.
I won’t write about sex to be sexy.
And you don’t need to either.
You could write about so many other things and still be sexy. You could write about writing about sex, for example.
You could write about music. You could write about art. You could write about tupperware. You could write about communication or resolving conflict or traveling to a foreign country. You could write about love or faith or discipline or dying flowers.
I don’t know about you but the stories that turn me on the most display humor and intelligence and emotional grit. They get to the core of the human experience in a way that is thoughtful and witty. They connect with others so deeply because they shine a light on our deepest needs and desires in a way that is safe.
A truly sexy story is one that cuts to the bone. It blasts through all the bullshit armor we try to put on and works its way into the center of our being. Then, it causes our spirit to erect. It makes us laugh or cry or well up with joy, or all three. It wraps us in understanding.
One of the sexiest pieces of writing I’ve experienced recently was about something so mundane. Last year, Adam Sandler made a comedy special called 100% Fresh.
One of his sketches is a song called “Phone, Wallet, Keys”. It takes you on a journey that begins by delighting in the simplicity of only needing to carry around three things — phone, wallet, keys. Until you go on vacation and you realize how many more things you need, and how those things weigh you down. He ends by saying he’d be happier at home where all he needs is his phone.
He cusses quite a bit, and wears a hoodie and sunglasses — in case any of that offends you, consider this fair warning. But the performance is a great example of someone being sexy in their artistry without having to focus on sex itself.
When I watched it the first time, I was turned on, big time. I laughed harder than I had in a long time. I laughed to tears! He stimulated my mind and my musicality and my rhythm and my creativity. And I could relate. It’s obvious the people in the audience were turned on, too. And a few million other people who watched the performance on Netflix or YouTube.
And yes, this is Adam Sandler, but that’s one of the things that makes him a great comedian. He has been writing comedy about mundane things for years. He doesn’t need to write about sex to be sexy. That’s not to say he hasn’t, but he doesn’t need to.
It’s refreshing to come across a piece of writing like this. In a culture where sex sells and so many people sell their souls in order to fit in — intelligently sexy writing stands out.
That’s the kind of writing I’m looking for. That’s the kind of writing I love to read. That’s the kind of writing I want to create, and share.
What about you? What are your thoughts on the topic of writing about sex? What kind of writing do you find sexy?
